Well, too bad.
Rising is not a departure, but a continuation - not an escape from self, but an expansion of self. That means we don't leave the depths behind, but rather grow through and with them.
Descent Ascent
Descent doesn't end; it itself reaches transformation, becoming the journey of ascent. This is true for Christ, who rises physically and spiritually from His descent into death's fullness.
Resurrection of Christ by Carl Bloch
Ascension of Christ by Rembrandt
Resurrexit et Ascendit?
The Resurrection and the Ascension are different events, but they partake in the same journey.
While the Resurrection answers the call to rise again and the Ascension that to rise up, both are movements of rising. Our journey of ascent, just like that of Christ, is one that brings us beyond ourselves - to a new recognition and reception of life in its fullness. This means that the climax of our descent is our arrival at God Himself!
Resurrection
Jesus' Resurrection doesn't just bring Him back to life but also transforms His earthly way of living. The risen Christ can fully celebrate His divine life in His human nature, eliminating any sense of non-belonging. This is a continuation of our creation.
Ascension
Jesus' Ascension lifts Him up to Heaven and embraces the fullness of communion. In his human nature, He enters into the totality of His power because He has entered into the totality of love. This love represents the divine response to the human experience of descent.
Divinization
In our return to order, the end of humanity is no longer death; the end of humanity is divinity, God Himself. Christ fully raises humanity, making possible its ultimate holding of a heavenly home. God's design, nor our demise, becomes our destiny.
For Jesus, this is the road to restoration:
Restoration, meanwhile, participates in and makes possible glorification.
The Ascension allows this precarious work of growth
to continue by drawing us nearer to God - by helping
us to not only experience life but to identify with it.
We will never be the same. We instead become all
that we are and yet something more - someone
more, as God's light shines through us. Just as
with Christ, the journey of ascent is that of
revealing glory.
So why can't I just leave all the darkness behind?
Great question!
It's true that we enter into descent deeply wounded. The invitation of descent is to dive into those wounds, to let them bleed without festering - so that, in ascent, we might invite God into those wounds. It's only in allowing God into our lives, broken though they are, that we can enter into His life.
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The risen Jesus bore His wounds openly, earnestly. He allowed them to unite Him to others, rather than keep them apart. Can we do the same?
If you're interested, here's continued reading for you on the road so far For more on ascent as a continuation of the journey of descent, find Joseph Ratzinger's "Descendit de caelis - He descended from Heaven," John Yates's "He Descended into Hell, and Rob van der Hart's "The Descent of Christ into Hell." For more on the events of the Resurrection and the Ascension, see the Catechism of the Catholic Church no. 645-664, Joseph Ratzinger's Introduction to Christianity, and John Yates's "He Descended into Hell." For more insight into what rising means for the suicidal, explore John Swinton's Finding Jesus in the Storm: The Spiritual Lives of Christians with Mental Health Challenges.
So do you still feel like you're already dead?
Surely you do. But maybe you can think differently about what fullness of death is - or fullness of life, for that matter. Maybe you can share in solidarity amidst suffering, even as you suffer all the same. Maybe you can begin to more deeply describe the contours of your person - the self that you wish to hurt or hide. Maybe you can recognize truth, even if you can't yet receive it. Maybe - and may the model of Christ's descent move you to new ways of beholding, believing, and being.